


Playing House

by RosieTarnation



Category: Dickinson (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 01:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21485818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosieTarnation/pseuds/RosieTarnation
Summary: Growing up in the Dickinson house, Emily used to play like she was the woman of the house.  She played with Austin.  She played with Sue.  There's no better time than right before their wedding to think about all of that.
Relationships: Emily Dickinson/Susan "Sue" Gilbert, Susan "Sue" Gilbert/Austin Dickinson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	Playing House

When Emily was a child, she and Austin used to play house. Their parents used to travel more, going to Boston regularly when Mr. Dickinson was in the Massachusetts House of Representatives. They left the kids home with a nanny and to their own devices, largely.  
  
So, while the nanny, Elizabeth, did the household chores, the kids played. Emily and Lavinia, though young, definitely knew the standard household chores, but they feigned ignorance when Elizabeth was around. So while Lavinia traipsed around the barn, trying to catch a cat to take home, Emily and Austin would raid their parents' closets.  
  
Emily remembered clearly the first time she saw Austin in their father's top hat - it fell straight over his eyes and he walked into a wall.  
  
She remembered finding a corset and trying it on for the first time, with Austin carefully tying it way too loose. She remembered making fun of him, telling him to do it for real. He did, and she knew in that instant, at eight years old, that she was never going to like wearing a corset.  
  
So, she went without it and wore one of her mother's dresses over her own. Austin proudly held out his arm and they gallivanted around the house, acting like it was theirs.  
  
They went room by room, deciding how they would rearrange it to their own tastes. Austin decided he would get the biggest bedroom, but he would also regularly have guests - he would hold club meetings and town halls and it would be a place to share ideas, to get things done, to make plans for the town and the community. He also was sure he'd find a way to have his horse in the house.  
  
Emily was fine with that as long as she got the office. She had decided she'd move her bed there, so she could sleep among the books that she would have at her disposal whenever she wanted.  
  
They had tea parties with empty cups and dinner parties at empty tables, feeling comfortable digging through their parents closets (which they meticulously reset to look identical to when their parents left when they were done playing) but drawing the line at getting into their china.  
  
When the weather was bad and Lavinia couldn't go to the barn, or if they managed to stop her before she went, they'd enlist her in their games.   
  
Sometimes, she got to pick an outfit and be the guest they were entertaining.  
  
Other times, they picked an outfit for her and she was the maid who served them; or the family dog that they taught to retrieve the newspaper or do other tricks; or the mysterious intruder who somehow got into the house, who they hid from and tried to foil with booby traps.   
  
They'd spend entire days playing these games.  
  
They were Emily's fondest memories with her brother, spending all day indulging each other's imaginations. It was such a simple game.

* * *

  
The first night Emily ever drank alcohol happened to be the first night she ever played house with Sue.  
  
They were students at Amherst Academy and Mr. and Mrs. Dickinson had gone away again.   
  
Austin was fifteen and as soon as he realized they were going to all be in the house together without their parents around, he got bright red and excused himself to ride his horse all day.  
  
Until he fell off it, that is. He had been riding with a friend and that friend took him to the local doctor's house, who sent word to the house for his guardian. Lavinia went with Elizabeth, under the guise that she wanted to learn what ladies did in a crisis, but also she knew that the doctor had several pets.  
  
Emily managed to convince Elizabeth that it would be rude to send Sue home, that she could keep her guest entertained like a good little Dickinson.  
  
And so, Emily and Sue were home alone.  
  
They were without supervision for the first time, ever.  
  
Naturally, the first thing they did was raid the kitchen. They promised Elizabeth that they would take care of the dinner she was preparing and they did, cleaning up and saving what they could.   
  
They had been learning a lot about homemaking and cooking in school, so they wanted to see if they could put anything together. They dug through the cupboards but nothing really caught their eye.  
  
Nothing did, exactly, until they got to the liquor cabinet.  
  
Emily picked up a bottle of brandy.  
  
"Have you ever had this?"  
  
"No," Sue said. "Have you?"  
  
Emily opened it and took a swig. "I have now."  
  
"Emily!"  
  
"What? No one's home." She coughed a few times, felt a shiver go up her spine. "Oh, god."  
  
"Emily!"  
  
"What? Sue, try it."  
  
Sue looked like she might protest again, but she didn't.  
  
She took the bottle and took a swig.  
  
"Jesus," she shuddered, holding it out to Emily. Emily went to take it, but Sue took it back. "Hold on, let me try again."  
  
"Better that time?" Emily asked, eyes shining, smirking. She was just getting to know Sue but she knew she was in for it - she couldn't imagine her life without her.  
  
"Much," Sue said. She finally held the bottle out to Emily. "See?"  
  
Emily's hand brushed Sue as she reached for the bottle. She felt a shiver that had nothing to do with the brandy.  
  
Sue felt it, too.  
  
Emily took a big swig. "Do you feel anything?" she asked. "From the alcohol."  
  
"I feel...warm."  
  
"This better be worth how awful it tastes," she said, taking another sip through a grimace and handing the bottle back.  
  
"Yeah, I don't quite see the appeal yet," Sue said, still having another drink. "How long is it supposed to take?"  
  
"I don't know," Emily said. "I've seen my parents drink, but I don't think I've seen them drunk."  
  
"My brother-in-law gets drunk sometimes," Sue said. "But he just shows up at the house like that, he drinks elsewhere."  
  
"How is it? Living with your sister."  
  
"It's good," Sue said. They were passing the bottle back and forth now, taking a sip and handing it over. "Harriet's great. Her husband is a nice man, he just gets a little drunk sometimes."  
  
"Is it scary?"  
  
"No," Sue said, thinking about it. "He just gets loud. And he gets funny. He tells me all the town gossip."  
  
"Oh, yeah?" Emily asked. The other girls at school gossiped - and the boys did, too - but she wasn't usually included. "What have you heard?"  
  
"I've heard about you, Emily Dickinson."  
  
"What about me?" Her face suddenly felt very, very hot.  
  
"That your family basically built Amherst, right?" Sue asked. "That must be intense, growing up in the town your family built."  
  
"I think Austin gets most of the pressure," Emily said. "All anyone expects of me is to get married."  
  
"I understand that," Sue said. "My sister's great, but she can't support me forever."  
  
"I don't want to get married," Emily said. "I don't want to end up with some man who just wants a Dickinson. Amherst isn't the whole world, there's got to be more."  
  
"More of what?" Sue was stating to feel it. She handed the bottle back and it sloshed a bit, spilling on the floor.  
  
Emily laughed, wiping it with the hem of her skirt and then just ended up sitting on the kitchen floor.  
  
"I'm so sorry!" Sue said, sitting with her. She went to help wipe it up, but Emily held her hand. She held her hand and moved it away.  
  
"It's okay, don't worry about it," Emily said, quickly wiping it up. She leaned back against the cabinet. "I'm a writer."  
  
"Really? What do you write?"  
  
Sue asked with such enthusiasm, it made Emily completely pause. There was no judgment, there was no patronizing tone.  
  
"Poems," Emily said finally. "I want to, anyway. I want to be a poet."  
  
"If you write poems, you're a poet," Sue said with a laugh, like it was obvious.  
  
"You should read them one day," Emily said. "If-if you want."  
  
"I would love to."  
  
Emily smiled wide, then suddenly felt very self-conscious. She never felt self-conscious like this. It wasn't that she felt that she wasn't enough, like she sometimes felt talking to her family. She felt self-conscious like she was really being seen, like she was being seen beyond what anyone else saw.  
  
"What about you?" Emily asked, breaking Sue's gaze. She looked down at the bottle, running her thumb over the edge of the label. "What do you like to do?"  
  
"I like to read," Sue said. "And I'm a writer, too."  
  
"No kidding."  
  
"Yeah," Sue said, proud of it. She felt it, too. She'd never met another girl her age who was as passionate about writing as she was, and in this short conversation, she could tell Emily shared her passion.  
  
"Can I read your work some time?"  
  
"I would love that, too."  
  
Emily was smiling again. She looked at Sue and saw her smile, too. It was beautiful.  
  
Emily had seen a lot of things that she thought were beautiful - the sunrise's reflection on the pond near her home, the sunset sending shafts of light through the trees she could see from the windows in her room, the first small stem poking through the just-thawed spring soil.  
  
Sue's smile matched all of that. No. It was better than that.  
  
"I don't want to get married," Emily said again. "I want to be a writer when I grow up. I don't need a husband, I need someone like you who understands."  
  
"That sounds nice," Sue said. She looked over at Emily, leaning her head back against the cabinet. She reached for the bottle, which happened to be in Emily's hand. Or, maybe she reached for Emily's hand and the bottle just happened to be there. "I'd like that, too."  
  
Emily felt Sue's hand on hers, she felt her heart pound and hoped Sue couldn't hear it as loudly as she could herself.  
  
"I have an idea."  
  
She stood up, wobbling a bit but making it. She reached a hand out for Sue, who happily took it.  
  
She followed Emily out of the kitchen.  
  
"You're bringing the brandy?"  
  
"Oh yeah."

* * *

"Emily, I don't know," Sue said. "These are your parents things."  
  
"Which one day I'll inherit," she said. "As an old spinster who never marries and never leaves this house. Really, they're just pre-mine."  
  
Sue didn't look convinced.  
  
"The brandy is theirs, too," Emily said. "And at least with these, we can put them back when we're done."  
  
Sue considered that for a moment, then nodded, convinced. "Okay." She grinned.  
  
She stepped into the closet with Emily.  
  
"You know what I don't get?" Sue asked, thumbing through the dresses hanging on the rack. "Why everyone has to wear white to get married now just because Queen Victoria did. What does she know?"  
  
"I don't get why we have queens at all," Emily said. She looked over her shoulder at Sue. "Well, not _us_. There was the whole war about it..."  
  
"No, yeah, I remember," Sue laughed. "But really! You could wear all these beautiful dresses, any color you like, why go with white?"  
  
"I like white," Emily said. "Maybe I'll wear a white dress every day and never marry."  
  
"That would show 'em." She wasn't mocking her, she was supporting her.  
  
"How about this one?" Emily asked, picking a dress and holding it up in front of her.  
  
Sue smiled. "Beautiful." She reached back on the rack and grabbed a dress. "Hm?"  
  
"Stunning."  
  
Emily helped Sue get it off the hanger and supported her as she stepped into it. Sue turned so Emily could fasten it.  
  
Holding Sue's hand was one thing. It was electric, but it was one thing. Doing this, moving her hair from where it hung down her back to access the buttons, was quite another.  
  
Sue could feel Emily's breath on her neck.  
  
"There," Emily said, so quiet it was almost a whisper. They stayed like that for a moment, then Sue turned to face her. "Uh, easy there. It's pretty tight, since you're still wearing your dress."  
  
"Put yours on," Sue said, motioning for Emily to get hers on and turn around so Sue could do the button. She did and Emily turned back, posing a bit. "So," Sue said through a smile. "You're an adult. You're a writer. You've got the house to yourself. What do you do?"  
  
"Well," Emily said. "In our house there would be a room just for writing." She held her hand out, offering Sue the grand tour.  
  
Sue took it.  
  
"Just one?" she asked, letting Emily lead her through the still unfamiliar house.  
  
"Good point," Emily said. She looked around and pointed at Austin and Lavinia's rooms. "Two writing rooms up here. Austin's room gets really nice light, that'd be great for writing in the morning."  
  
She led her down the stairs.   
  
"And down here, of course, before hosting parties that they whole town would envy an invitation too, we'd have plenty of space to write, to edit, to perform anything we wanted."  
  
"And a library."  
  
"Oh, the biggest library!" Emily said. "We might have to take one of these walls down just to fit everything."  
  
"That sounds like a plan," Sue said, nodding, seeing it in her head.  
  
Emily could see it, too. She could see it more clearly than she ever had before.  
  
"Hey, I'm really glad you came to Amherst, Sue."  
  
"I'm glad, too."  
  
Suddenly, the door opened. Elizabeth walked in, supporting a limping Austin.  
  
"Miss Emily? What are you doing?"  
  
"Nothing," Emily said.   
  
"Is that your mother's dress?" Elizabeth asked. She looked at Sue. "Miss Sue?"  
  
"We were just playing around."  
  
"Isn’t fourteen a little old to play dress up?" Austin asked.  
  
"Austin, how are you feeling?" Emily asked, stumbling a bit as she walked toward him.  
  
"I'm okay," he said. "The doctor said not to ride for a few weeks but my leg will heal fine. Nothing's broken."  
  
"I'm glad to hear it," Emily said.  
  
"Yes, I'm glad you're okay," Sue echoed with a friendly smile.  
  
Austin looked over at her like he just realized she was still there. He straightened up as best he could, tried to hide the pain that still showed on his face.  
  
"Sue," he said, and Emily swore his voice was deeper than it had been five seconds earlier. "How do you do?"  
  
"I'm well."  
  
Austin nodded. "Good! Good."  
  
"Come on, let's get you upstairs," Elizabeth said, guiding him toward the stairs. "I'll bring dinner to you."  
  
"I'm good!" he said, gently shaking her off and standing on his own. Or, trying to, anyway. He hobbled toward the stairs, but suddenly stopped. He bowed a bit. "Good night, Sue."  
  
"Good night, Austin."  
  
"Emily," he said, also bidding her a good night.  
  
"I'm glad you're okay," she said, meaning it. She watched him get to the stairs and hold the railing for dear life as he went up to his room.  
  
Elizabeth went to get his dinner, giving Emily a disapproving shake of her head as she passed.  
  
Lavinia just looked at them. "You two look nice," she said simply.

* * *

  
All these memories flooded into Emily's head as she walked up the stairs to the room Sue was using to get ready for her wedding. Austin wasn't the little boy was just playing at being the man of the house.  
  
Sue wasn't the little girl sitting drunk on the kitchen floor, promising a life she knew she couldn't have, no matter how much she wanted it. And Emily wasn't the girl who made that promise either. She'd grown up, accepted things she never thought she would.  
  
Emily summoned all her courage and knocked on the door, asking permission to come in. Sue granted it, so she entered.  
  
The sight of Sue in a white dress took her breath away. The sight of Sue, period, took her breath away. No matter how she felt, no matter how much she wished things were different, no matter how much she wished that, if Sue was going to get married, it would be to her, she was still happy for Sue. She was so, so happy for her.  
  
And so, so in love with her.  
  
"You look...gorgeous." She meant it, too. She always meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> The actual Emily and Austin apparently used to play when they were kids like they were the "lord and lady" of the house (Emily's wikipedia page) and that inspired this. This is set in the universe of the show.
> 
> Also Lavinia is such a Youngest Child. I love her but I thought it might be fun to play with that.


End file.
